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Over a hundred countries have competed in “the fart games”, over the course of its 4-decade long history, but only a select amount make the cut to qualify for the INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S FARTING COMPETITION, and fart against the world’s greatest female fart teams. Fart Team United States of America, or simply “Team USA” for short is amongst the female farting elite, gassy enough to keep up with the windiest and stinky enough to match the putridness of the world’s RANKEST, most VILE smelling fart teams.
But unfortunately, Team USA has fallen onto hard times, coming up short year after year, not being able to get the ultimate job done– winning an IWFC CHAMPIONSHIP with their core of 6 farters all in their most putrid, pungent primes of their careers.
It doesn’t help having to be led by one of the most competitive Team Captains, and by far, the best farter in The United States of America–Serafina Wind, just for the team to come up short each year. Not to mention being coached by a legend of the fart games–Juliana “The Fart God” Todd, who herself led the US to gassy glory 24 years ago, attaining the UNATTAINABLE–Winning the IWFC championship.
But could this be the year? Could this finally be the year that team USA finally prevails? Could this be the year that they finally break their 24 year long championship drought?
——
Members of Team USA:
Serafina Wind (Team Captain) 🇺🇸
Age: 27
Race/Ethnicity: Black (African-American 🇺🇸)
Physical Appearance: 5’8, 200 lbs, dark chocolate skin, shoulder length black hair (pressed straight), small nose, big lips, G-Cup breasts, very curvy and thick figure, very large butt, thick thighs, large calfs
Hometown: Washington, DC, United States
Achievements: 8x Southern Region Fart Champion (2015-2017, 2019, 2020, 2022-2024), 4x American Farting Champion (2018, 2019, 2020, 2023), 3x American Farting Champion Runner-up (2017, 2019, 2022), has held a fart for over 1.5 minutes, can nearly produce gas at will
Farting Speciality: Sound, length, smell, force, frequency
Nicknames: The Wind farm, Farting ‘fina
—
Kayla Johnson 🇺🇸
Age: 21
Race/Ethnicity: White
Physical Appearance: 5’11, 155 lbs, pale skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, C-cup breasts, tall and athletic figure, wide hips, long legs, average sized butt
Hometown: Dallas, Texas, United States
Achievements: 2x Texas Fart Champion (2022, 2023), 2x Southern Region Fart runner up (2023, 2024) 1x Dallas Burp champion (2023)
Farting Speciality: Frequency
Nickname: N/A
—
Ember Anderson-Diaz 🇺🇸
Age: 24
Race/Ethnicity: Multiracial, Afro-Latina (Puerto Rican/African-American 🇵🇷🇺🇸)
Physical Appearance: 5’7, 165 lbs, light brown skin, curly brown hair (short afro with taper fade), hazel eyes, big lips, D cup breasts, slim thick figure, wide hips, large butt
Hometown: Miami, Florida, United States
Achievements: Southern Region Fart Champion runner-up (2022) Florida Fart Champion (2022), Florida Burp Champion (2020), placed 4th in American Fart Competition (2021)
Fart Speciality: frequency
Nickname: N/A
—
Rebecca Giordano 🇺🇸
Age: 26
Race: White (Italian-American 🇮🇹🇺🇸)
Physical Appearance: 5’6, 150 lbs, thick brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, c-cup breasts, muscular and toned figure, average sized butt
Hometown: Queens, New York City, New York, United States
Achievements: 3x Northeastern Region Fart Competition Champion (2018, 2021, 2023), 4x New York City Fart Contest Champion (2017-2019, 2021), 2x American Fart Champion (2021, 2024) placed 3rd in American Fart Competition (2020), has held a fart for 2 minutes straight, can control pitch,
Farting Speciality(s): Length, sound, smell
Nicknames: Air Giordano, The Fart Queen of Queens
—
Rosie Thunderhawk 🇺🇸
Age: 23
Race: Native American (Lakota Tribe)
Physical Appearance: beige skin, 5’5, 130 lbs, 2 French braids, feather in hair, thin eyes, high cheekbones, B cup breasts, average figure
Hometown: Pine Ridge Reservation, South Dakota, United States
Achievements: 3x Midwest Fart Champion (2021, 2023, 2024), 1x Midwest Fart Competition runner up (2022) placed 3rd in American Farting Competition (2024) farts can be heard from over 0.75 miles away
Fart speciality: sound, force, smell
Nicknames: Thunder, The Stink Engine, Poca-Hot-Ass, The Gassiest Girl West of the Mississippi
—
Victoria Jimenez 🇺🇸
Age: 25
Race/Ethnicity: Hispanic/Latino (Mexican-American 🇲🇽🇺🇸)
Physical description: 5’5, 175 lbs, long black hair, tan skin, E cup breasts, chubby figure, thick thighs
Hometown: Los Angeles, California, United States
Achievements: 3x Southern California Fart Champion (2019-2021), 1x California Fart Champion, 1x American Fart Champion (2022), 1x Western Region Fart Champion (2021), farts can be smelled from 15+ feet away, farts can cause nausea for those too close
Fart Speciality: Smell
Nicknames: Cula de lava (ass of lava)
—
Juliana Todd (Coach) 🇺🇸
Age: bursa escort 47
Race/Ethnicity: White/Caucasian (Anglo-American 🇺🇸)
Physical Appearance: 5’4, 150 lbs, dirty blonde hair (ponytail), Team USA visor hat, always wearing sunglasses, average frame, dressed in Team USA tracksuit
Hometown: Greenville, South Carolina, United States
Accomplishments (before retirement): 1x IWFC champion (2000) 6x American Fart champion (1998-2004), 1x IWFC runner up (2003), 1x IWFC MVF (2000)
Fart speciality: sound, length, smell
Nicknames: The Fart God, Southern Gusts, Little Miss Gassy
—
**Rules for the IWFC**
– 1 contestant from each country will stand next to each other on the fart stage
– Contestants will be graded on the sound, smell, force, frequency, and length of their farts by a judge who is behind them the whole round
– After the round, each contestant will be given a numerical score from the judge, from 1-10. Whichever contestant has the higher score wins that round
– Each round lasts 1 minute
– Countries can substitute the contestant with another multiple times each round
– A total of 3 rounds are played in a match. If a country wins 2 of the 3 total rounds they win the match.
– Countries will play 1 match each day of the competition
– Competition is single elimination (win or go home) meaning if a country loses a match they are instantly disqualified from the competition
– Pooping your pants, or sharting results in points being docked from your final score
—
**Countries that will be competing in the IWFC:**
**Conference 1: “The West” (North America, South America, and Europe)**
**North America Division:**
Canada 🇨🇦
Jamaica 🇯🇲
México 🇲🇽
United States 🇺🇸
**South American Division:**
Argentina 🇦🇷
Brazil 🇧🇷
Chile 🇨🇱
Colombia 🇨🇴
**European Division:**
France 🇫🇷
Germany 🇩🇪
Russia 🇷🇺
United Kingdom 🇬🇧
—
**Conference 2: “The East” (Asia, Africa, and Oceania)**
**Asian Division:**
China 🇨🇳
India 🇮🇳
Japan 🇯🇵
Philippines 🇵🇭
**African Division:**
Egypt 🇪🇬
Ethiopia 🇪🇹
Nigeria 🇳🇬
South Africa 🇿🇦
**Oceania Division:**
Australia 🇦🇺
New Zealand 🇳🇿
Papua New Guinea 🇵🇬
Samoa 🇼🇸
——
The International Women’s Farting Competition (Part 1)
—
July 7th, 2024
6:00 AM
—
There were only 24 around hours until day 1 of the International Women’s Farting Competition starts. Each country competing had just flown into Las Vegas McCarran International Airport last night. All countries’ competitors were probably all still sleeping tight in their nice, fancy, luxury, Las Vegas hotel rooms as well. But not Team USA. They were up at the crack of dawn, practicing, working, and perfecting their craft
FRUUUUMMMPPP
RRRRBBBLLTTTTT
PFFFFFFFTTTSSSS
In the middle of the Nevada desert, miles outside of Las Vegas, stood 6 women, all dressed in their skimpy Team USA uniform, which consisted of a tank top and booty shorts, all freezing cold from the dry, morning desert air, and all determined to bring glory to the USA. Year after year, they had came up short in the IWFC, each time getting eliminated by Canada of all countries. These women were all fed up! But one woman in particular, was the most fed up.
“NNNGRRH! C’mon guys keep farting! Keep producing as much gas as you can! I’d be damned if we lose to the fucking Canadians again this year!” Barked 4 time American fart champion, Serafina Wind, as she strained to push out more farts.
“Wind, I like the passion, but ya gotta calm down. I don’t want you shitting your pants. We can’t afford any of you to have any points docked off your final scores” replied 6x American Fart champion, and coach of Team USA, Juliana Todd.
“Coooooaach!” Groaned Kayla Johnson, a new recruit on the team. “Why do we have to be outside this early in the morning? It’s so cold!”
“Because Johnson, suffering builds character! Now keep farting!”
“Well could we at least put on some sweats? I’m freezing out here only in our in-game team USA tank top and yoga shorts!”
Coach Todd rolled her eyes at her. Another one of the girls suddenly ripped one.
rrrrrrRRRRBLLLTTT
“Nice one Giordano! Keep it up girl!” The coach said, facing towards Rebecca Giordano, clapping her hands.
One of the girls then turned around, and pointed her ass in Coach’s direction, letting out a low pitched, airy fart, that became a bit bubbly at the end
sssssssssRrrrrrRrrrpplplpll
The fart instantly hit Coach Todd in the face. It had no distinct smell other than pure shit.
“(cough, cough!), Jesus Jimenez! That one had some UMPH to it! Keep doing that and we’ll be golden come competition time!”
“Hey Coach! I think I got one!”
PRRRAAAAPPPPPTTTT
“*sniff* oh fuck! Diaz! Where the hell did that come from? The deepest depths of hell? Or just your ass? bursa escort bayan Good job girlie!”
Suddenly, Serafina felt a fart coming. She could tell it was gonna be a big one.
“This’ll definitely get everyone’s attention.” She thought. “These hoes gotta remember why the hell I was picked to be team captain!”
She strained, very hard, and let the sparks fly
BBLLLLLLUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTSSSSSFFFFFTTTSSSSFFFFBLBLBLBLBBBBLBLBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPLAPLAPLAPLAPLAPLAPRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIPLPLPLPLPLPLPSHHHHHHFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIPLPLPLP!!!!!!!
The whole team froze.
“W-w-what t-the fuck? What the fuck was that?” Said, Johnson, her voice trembling.
“Was that a bomb?” Said Jimenez.
“We’re in the middle of bum fuck. Probably was a wolf getting eaten by a bear or some shit” said Giordano.
“Wait, WHAT?!” Panicked Johnson. “There’s bears out here?!-“
“Alright, alright! Everyone calm down!” Yelled Coach Todd. “And no Johnson, there are no bears out here!”
“It was me. I farted.” Said Serafina, raising her hand.
“Well I’ll be damned. I should’ve known it was Serafina. I mean, I did give y’all pizza and ice cream last night. And we all know what that does to Serafina’s poor little lactose intolerant stomach!” Coach said, giggling a bit.
“Did she shit herself? I’m super lactose intolerant, and I shit myself last night. I had to burn my favorite pair of panties with a lighter!” Said Rosie Thunderhawk, another girl on the team.
“I can confirm she did indeed shit herself. I’m her poor roommate for crying out loud. I had to help her empty out a mountain of shit from her silky white panties in the toilet…” said Diaz.
“I don’t think I shit myself, but you’re welcome to come check my undies coach.” Said Wind.
Coach Todd walked over, and peeled back Wind’s panties. She saw almost no visible poop, other than some faint brown skidmarks. But when it comes to Fart competitions, some amount of skidmarkage is to be expected.
“Welp Wind, looks like you didn’t shit yourself. Other than a few Hershey butterfly kisses on your undergarments you’re completely a-ok!”
“That’s why I’m the greatest farter in the muthafuckin’ world!” She yelled. “No poop in these panties, bitch!”
“Hmmm… wonder why the supposed greatest farter in the world doesn’t have an IWFC title yet…” replied Giordano, cheekily.
Wind rolled her eyes at her and scoffed. “Bitch, please!”
Giordano gave her an evil smile and shrugged. “Hey, I’m just stating the facts!”
The team resumed farting, and after 30 minutes had passed, Coach Todd decided that it was time to end their early morning practice. It was now time to rest, and prepare for tomorrow’s competition, by eating as much food as humanly possible, so the girls could produce the largest farts humanly possible.
Coach Todd made sure the girls ate extremely healthy today, only eating fruits, vegetables, and vegan foods only. Eating healthier usually meant longer, smellier, and louder farts. Eating junk food could also produce good farts, but would dramatically increase the likelihood of one of the girls sharting, which has happened a lot in the past years of the team competing. Each girl was required to consume 5,000 calories of food and drink at the very minimum for the entire day. And none of them were allowed to poop 24 hours before the competition, so they would have as much pre-poop farts as possible for the comp.
—
July 8th, 2024
7:00 AM
—
The day of the competition had finally arrived. Coach went around the team hotel, banging a metal rod on a frying pan to wake everyone up sleeping in their rooms.
“GET UP! GET YER ASSES UP. WE GOT A GOLD MEDAL TO WIN LADIES!” She screamed
Out of one of the rooms arose Diaz, groggy and tired.
“What the hell are you doing Diaz? Go get ready! We gotta be at the stadium at 8:30!”
“Coach, gimme a break please! It’s been a long ass night… Thunderhawk shit herself again for fucks sake! In the fucking bed this time!”
“Again? Well what the hell did she eat this time?”
“She couldn’t resist eating the rest of the leftover ice cream we bought a couple days ago… I tried to talk her out of it bu-“
“-stop it right there. Just tell Thunderhawk to stop being a dumb ass! It’s gonna bite us in the ass in the long run! And make sure she doesn’t eat any more dairy, ok?”
“**sigh** alright…”
The rest of the girls were quickly finishing getting ready in their rooms. All of them were pretty cranky this morning, probably because they weren’t allowed to take their beloved morning shit, or pass their morning gas. which they oh so desperately needed to after eating 5,000 calories of fruits and vegetables.
The team then loaded on three bus, and were served even more fruits and vegetables. Each of them was given a multiple bowls of kale, broccoli, carrots, grapes, sliced apples, and more.
“Ugggghhhh coach I’m tired of eating all this healthy crap! I want some meat! Or some French fries! Or a bag of chips!” Whined Jimenez.
“Yeah I could escort bayan really go for some yogurt!” said Thunderhawk.
“Fuck food. I need a damn drink! And not one of those crappy kombucha green drinks you keep giving us coach, I mean a real drink, like a white claw! Or a Daiquiri!” Said Giordano
“Girl, you are reading my mind!” Said Serafina.
“No you guys! All those foods will make your shart! So keep eating that healthy food so you can fart loud and proud without worry!”
All of the girls collectively groaned, as they stuffed their faces with grapes, kale, lettuce and more.
—
8:30 AM
—
The stadium was packed to the brim with fans. It was a complete sellout crowd, around 60,000 people in the stands. As Team USA entered the floor through the tunnel, they were met with a very lukewarm reaction by fans, who haphazardly clapped their hands at the sight of them.
“Damn… tough crowd” said Giordano.
“Yeah. This is our home turf and the fans still don’t even give a shit about us?” Said Jimenez
Shortly after, Team India and Team Japan came walking out of one of the tunnels. And were met with an overwhelming standing ovation by fans.
“Are you serious?” Said Serafina. “They get cheered on and we don’t?”
“Look girls, the fact of the matter is that we don’t get cheered on because we haven’t done shit of note in 24 years!” Barked Coach.
” I mean, the last time Team USA won a title is when I was still playing. Once we start delivering on the floor, we–“
Coach’s sentence was cut short, as the lights dimmed out of nowhere, making the entire stadium almost pitch black.
“Wait, what’s going on?” Said Johnson, nervously.
“Team You know who is here…” Said Serafina, sarcastically.
The lights got even darker, as a blaring guitar riff was heard in all corners of the stadium, everyone immediately recognized it the riff as the intro to AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”. The crowd went into an uproar, each fan screaming at the top of their lungs. The song blared over the loudspeaker
“I WAS CAUGHT… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAILROAD TRACKS… THUNDER!”
“Ugh. An intro song is so extra!” Giordano said, rolling her eyes.
The stadium announcer got on the mic.
“Noooowwwww introducing, your defending International Women’s Farting Competition Champions, TEAM CANADA!”
The team looked up at the Jumbotron, to see team Canada trotting out of the tunnels, dressed in matching white tracksuits. “Canada” was written on the front, and each member had their nickname on the back of the tracksuit, and each member was wearing multiple gold medals, 1 of them even held a trophy.
“Fucking cocky assholes. They’re wearing Tracksuits? Really? What is this, 1988? Every pro farter knows Tracksuits just muffle your farts…” said Serafina. “That’s why they were phased out in the 2000s in favor of tank tops and yoga shorts!”
“AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, NOW INTRODUCING YOUR 2023 INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S FARTING COMPETITION MVP, THE STINKY NIGHTMARE, THE ASS FROM THE PROVINCE OF SASK, THE GOAT–THE GASSIEST OF ALL TIME…. ADRIANNA BARTOCHOWSKI!”
The Jumbotron panned to Bartochowski, who was holding a large, gold trophy. The crowd’s cheering went up about 100 notches
“I LOVE YOU BARTOCHOWSKI!!!” Screamed one of the fans.
Coach turned to look at the girls.
“Did I mention to y’all that we’re playing Team Canada first?”
“Ok. I don’t wanna be a downer but we might be fucked…” said Giordano. “Canada has beat us like every year.”
Team Canada strolled from out of the tunnel and throughout the floor as if they owned the place, and after a while, just happened to walk right over in Team USA’s direction. Adrianna Bartochowski, their team captain, “accidentally” bumped into Serafina.
“Oops, didn’t see ya there! My apologies!” She said
Wind gave her a deathly stare, staying completely silent.
“Still mad about last year, skank?” Said Bartochowski, as she shoved her MVP trophy in Serafina’s face.
Serafina, angry, knocked her trophy to the ground with her back hand.
Bartochowski smiled, devilishly. “Oooh, someone’s cranky!”
“Shut the fuck up bitch! I hope you die!” She yelled.
“Now Serafina, honey, you know that’s not a very nice thing to say! Looks like momma here’s gonna have to teach you another lesson in respect!”
As Bartochowski said that, she violently grabbed her hair and shoved her face in her butt, farting on it. She tried to pull away, but Bartochowski’s grip was too strong
FFFFRRRUUUUMMPPPP
“**blech!** What the hell!??” She said, as she smacked her on the hip over and over again in anger
Everyone in team Canada erupted in laughter. Serafina looked behind her, to see her team frozen, like deers in headlights, just staring at her.
“Are y’all not gonna help me out here?!”
The team just kept staring, blankly, in shock.
“Hmph! Cowards!” She said
Bartochowski walked closer to her, invading her personal space, their noses almost touching.
“Just remember who fucking owns you, ME! You’ll be in second place, huffing my farts and licking the shit particles off my ass for the rest of your existence!” Said Bartochowski in a serious, threatening tone. “You got that, bitch?”
Bartochowski then made a loud “huuuuuucckk piiihhh!” Sound and hucked a loogie on Serafina’s face, her spit landing on her lower lip. She recoiled in disgust, gagging
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